Dating as a single dad adds an additional layer of complexity. You have to balance your time between your child’s schedule, work, your fitness and health, and other major life obligations. One way to ease the burden is to find a woman who not only wants to be part of your life but also embraces your child’s life. Remember, when you’re back out there dating, you’re not just dating for yourself anymore; you need to be mindful of who you allow into your child’s life.

After my divorce, the first woman I dated was rather cold and distant toward my daughter. My daughter was only three at the time, but she expressed her unhappiness about the person I was seeing. As a dad, this can be conflicting because finding someone you like is challenging enough without also needing to accommodate both your and your child’s needs. However, you shouldn’t view it the way I once did. The right woman for you will be right for your child as well. If she truly loves and cares about you, she’ll make an effort to accept and embrace every part of your life, including your relationship with your child.

Eventually, it didn’t work out with the first person I was with after my divorce, but that experience taught me to be more selective and unapologetic about having a young daughter. You have to set boundaries and respect anyone who has boundaries of their own. Being a single dad isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, and that’s completely okay. You’re not responsible for convincing anyone to change their mind.

What you can control is applying good practices that foster a great relationship between your new partner and your child. On your child’s end, have an open, heart-to-heart conversation with them about the need for adults to be together. Remind them that a new relationship doesn’t in any way change how much you love them; in fact, it can add to a higher level of love by bringing a new member into your family. Assure them that no matter what, you will always put them first because they are your flesh and blood. Don’t be afraid to use language like this with your kids, they understand more than we often give them credit for. If your child enjoys a particular activity with you and doesn’t want someone else to intrude, make that activity a special time just for the two of you. Your partner will understand, and your child will appreciate that you’ve made them feel seen and heard.

As for your new partner, be fully honest and authentic from the start about having a child. Let the person you’re dating know that you are a dad with responsibilities and obligations to your child. I remember telling my current partner, “I’m not looking for anyone to be her mom, she has a mom. Her mom may not have been the best wife, but she’s an excellent mom. What I’m looking for is someone who is happy to be with us, to spend time and be genuine with us.” If you’ve fostered a good relationship with your child, the new person who is open to being part of your blended family won’t feel overwhelmed. If they do and ask for time to think, give them that space without pressuring them or taking it personally.

After you and your new partner have been seeing each other for at least 6–9 months and you’ve vetted them as a decent human being; after all, why would you be with them if they weren’t? You can then introduce the idea of setting up a meeting between them and your child. This meeting should take place in a public setting like a coffee shop or restaurant. Allow them time to bond and get to know each other. If your child or partner feels uncomfortable in any way, know that you can arrange another meeting later on.

I was very fortunate that my current partner and my daughter get along well. They are both kind-hearted and warm, with a shared sense of whimsical adventure, which I guess is why they vibe so well together. I knew my partner was the right person for my daughter when they arranged to give her a bath. I overheard them laughing and playing with the bath toys, it was really endearing to see. These moments of bonding not only strengthen your relationship with your partner but also tie your partner more closely to your child. Over time, the love, trust, and familiarity will grow, and your new partner will naturally begin to help out with your child, even if that wasn’t the original intention when you first got together. This happens because people who live together and care about each other eventually become a family.

I wish you luck and success as you venture back into dating after your divorce. Remember, there are good women out there who want to be in both your life and your child’s life.