Shortly after my divorce, I found myself adrift
Unsure of where to turn. Back in college, I had dabbled in Eastern philosophy, particularly Buddhism, drawn to its similarities with stoicism. Remembering those teachings, I sought solace in meditation, hoping to find a path to healing. It was serendipitous to discover The London Buddhist Centre, nestled in the heart of East London, where I found a warm, welcoming community eager to embrace newcomers like me.
At the centre, they practiced two primary forms of meditation: Mindfulness of breathing (which I'll delve into in another blog) and Metta Bhavana, a practice that resonated deeply with me as I navigated the aftermath of my broken heart. Metta Bhavana, or loving-kindness meditation, focuses on cultivating compassion, particularly towards oneself and others.
Here are the steps of how to practice Metta Bhavana meditation:
Find a quiet and comfortable space where you can sit or lie down without distractions. Begin by focusing on your breath, allowing yourself to settle into a state of relaxation and presence.
Once you feel centred, bring to mind someone you love deeply, such as a close friend or family member. Visualize them in your mind's eye and silently repeat phrases of loving-kindness towards them, such as "May you be happy, may you be well, may you be free from suffering, may you make progress."
As you continue to breathe deeply and repeat these phrases, allow yourself to feel the warmth and sincerity of your intentions towards this person. Next, shift your focus to yourself. Extend the same loving-kindness phrases towards yourself, acknowledging your own worthiness of love and compassion.
As you progress through the meditation, gradually expand your circle of compassion to include others, these should be neutral people you see everyday, who you have no connection, a neutral person: like the cashier at Target or a waiter you've met once at a local diner.
Finally, the challenging aspect of the practice, substitute a difficult person in your life, your ex-partner/wife, and sincerely wish them well, happiness, and progress. Repeat the phrases you’ve been using. Each of the steps should be around 3-5 minutes and the entire meditation shouldn’t take longer than 20 mins.
I understand it may seem disconnected and lofty to ask you to extend kind wishes towards your ex, especially if they've been the source of your suffering. But trust me, this practice holds immense power to facilitate healing and release. I, too, was initially hesitant to embrace it, but when I wholeheartedly committed to this approach, I found profound relief from the heartache and torment I was enduring. This act of letting go through compassion is transformative; it softens anger and resentment, paving the way for healing and reconciliation.
You see, the opposite of love isn't hate;
It's indifference. By releasing the grip of anger and resentment, we free ourselves to heal and move forward with lightness and grace. Healing without the weight of bitterness allows us to mend authentically and thoroughly, rather than merely masking the pain with temporary fixes. As we extend compassion to others, we learn to cultivate it within ourselves, nurturing a deep and lasting sense of self-compassion and acceptance.
So, imagine this: a journey of healing guided by compassion, where each step brings us closer to wholeness and authenticity. With each breath, we let go of the past and embrace the present moment with an open heart, knowing that true healing (as always) comes from within. If you're ready to embark on this journey of self-discovery and healing, reach out to me. Let's navigate this path together, with compassion as our guide.